mr matsaleh.

im feeeeeeling MOODY.
im upset. i feel like there's nth i can do, to change whats happening. and you honestly dont seem to be doing anything. was the fantasy you painted for me, jus gonna remain a fantasy? if so, i rather never be near reality. it hurts so bad to feel this way again. the insecurity, the unhappiness. i hate it when you make my mood swing. i hate it further when you have the power to make me cry. im confused. was it wrong..? no i made no mistake. for my future i see in you, with you. but why.. does it seem like all these are jus becoming watermarks......



i jus really really want you to send me good night messages when you go to bed and we didnt get the chance to talk over the phone like silly friends. i jus really want you to ask me for dates. i jus really want you to surprise me with stuff, sweet ones.. like how i always surprise you with stuff. now, somehow, im so afraid to surprise you, for i feel that you do not appreciate it. and it seems like a hindrance to you. i jus want to lay by the beach in your arms. i jus want to watch a movie with you and spend time being retarded. i jus want something you planned, something you wanna do for me, something done for me.. and most importantly, i want you.




im selfish. im so fucking selfish. but i jus want you. my matsaleh




please jus stab me!